she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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