you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
