Already got asked if we're dating
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
