I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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