Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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