we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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