You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
