i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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