Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
