my being single is dangerous.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
