Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
