I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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