i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
