physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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