come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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