Don't make out with my wife yet
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
