I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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