You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
