Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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