so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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