She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
