I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
