i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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