You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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