that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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