we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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