cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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