I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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