Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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