I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
