last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Everything about him screamed your future.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
