Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
