just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
