Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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