She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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