Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
