Someone shit on the floor
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
