ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I skipped work to stalk him.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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