I wannas sexs uuuuu
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
