i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
