shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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