So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
