She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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