then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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