Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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