ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
