My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
