8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
