I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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