explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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