he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
