I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
