i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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