we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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