he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
