The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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