sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
