God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
