You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
