I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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