so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
