fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
