It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
