my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
