i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
