Me. At least after what I've been through.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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