remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
