how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
