you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
