You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Send help, water and tortillas.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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