It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
