I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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