I wish my penis had an off switch
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
