i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
