he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
