We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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