Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
