that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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