Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
