you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
