Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
