i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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