Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
