so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
