Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
