I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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