It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
