You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
